Phone

 He went back to jail yesterday. No, it's not anything new. Just the feds decided to pick up his charges. This could be really bad. He'll see a judge tomorrow probably but it's really a 50/50 chance he'll get released. We had just made up from a huge fight too. Like bad enough that he left me while I was asleep. But he came back. I'm worried tho. See, I have his phone right now cause the cops that arrested him gave it to me. And, I fully intend on asking him for the code to unlock it. I mean, if he can just go thru my phone whenever he pleases then I should be able to go thru his too right? Really I just want to see one specific conversation. Between him and my cousin that I've asked him numerous times to not be texting with. Apparently they still talk cause there's notifications on his phone that are texts from her. I just can't read them unless it's unlocked. If it's what I'm afraid it might be, idk what I'll do. Well I know what I'll do first. I'll tell him it's over. For good. Then I'll block them both on everything and turn his phone off. Then I'll take my happy ass down south and beat her ass. She's the one person I've asked him to not talk to or hang with. And I've a feeling that's where he really stayed at the night he left. I really will be 100% done with him if it's anything like what I think. I hope it's just my fucked up brain coming up with worst possible scenarios. I really do. Because I love him and I don't want to lose him. But I couldn't be with him if he and she..... And if he refuses to give me the lock code then I'll know he's hiding something and it'll be over anyways. I don't do double standards. If he can snoop mine then I can snoop his. It's fair.

Without me

 Omg

 He for real just left and went out of town without me. Luckily I fund a ride to work. I am really starting to think that this man really does not give a shit about me except that I take care of him. I think once he's working adhas money coming in hes going to leave. No one wants to be with me. Everyone leaves. I can't believe he just left me here alone. Like whats in that town that is a much more important than your wife dude. Come on. I always am told tha I deserve a man that treats me like a queen or a princess. But all I seem to find is guys that want taken care of or they just really like the pussy and can't get enough. But they always leave. Sometimes on their own and sometimes I have to make them go. But I tried to make him leave and he refused so.i stupidly thought he was different and wanted to be here, with me. But guess I was wrong. He didn't even try to come up with a way for me To go with him. Hes prob going to meet up with that fucking girl that he had the audacity to bring to my house to stay a few days without discussing it with me first. His ex btw... idk what to think tho. I don't want another Erick. Of this one cheats there is no forgiveness. It's just goodbye. God I hope he's real...

Puppy

 Hes really going to go... Tonight. Without me. Knowing I don't have a for sure ride to work in the morning.... I mean, I get that his friend was just killed and that's got him up in his feelings or whatever. But what's he gonna do? He says he just wants to know who did it and why. But what if he actually finds out who did it? Then what? He gonna go talk to them? I don't fucking think so. He's gonna end up doing something stupid anfi already told him if he goes to jail over something stupid I'm gonna really fucking mad. I'm already butthurt cause he's going without me. He didn't even try to convince me to go at all. He's just okay with me being here alone all weekend while he's in topeka probably doin the most. How do I approach this situation without starting a fight. I jus want him to want me around. I want him to show me common courtesy like I do him. I want him to respect me. I love him so much and I just know if he'd get his head out of his ass and grow up a little he'd be a fucking catch. He still is to me but I don't want to raise my husband. I just want him to grow up on his own. Right now.